In Defense of the PS3

For my first article I was asked by my cohorts here at the Erudite Gamer to write a piece in defense of the PS III. “Kink!” they said, “You seem like just the kinda man who would own a Playstation III. So go forth, educate the masses on the foibles and follies of this system, while we sit here smoking hashish and discussing Chaucer.” What else could I say? When faced with a proposition like that there’s only one alternative and that’s to take a big puff of hashish and read Chaucer. So I chose to do this. Before we go on though I want to point out that I am in no way an expert on this subject I just happen to be well equipped. That’s right, for those of you playing along at home you may have noticed that they didn’t give me this job because they thought my silver tongue could convert the masses to the cult of Crash Bandicoot. They didn’t give me this job because I am a shrewd fellow who could perhaps see through the murky haze that is the PS III and extract a pearl of wisdom. No they gave me this assignment because I’m the only one on the crew who owns a PS III. Really. So with my jade in full swing let’s talk consoles.

Imagine yourself transported back to the year 2006. Gas cost $2.50 a gallon, president Bush was in office, and those groovy kids from Linkin Park were making boys and girls fall in love to the sweet sound of what I call miserableism. Well actually it’s still pretty much the same, except Bush isn’t president any more. Anyway in this far away land of 2005, three little bears were getting ready to put their consoles on the market. The first was Little Baby Bear, who had developed the Nintendo Wii which he hoped everyone would love, so he decided to make it cheap so that even jobless pot smokers could buy one. However, since he was a baby he made it out of Popsicle sticks and glue, so when he turned it on the graphics weren’t very good. Next there was Middle Brother Bear. Now Middle Brother Bear liked cool things like skateboards, ninjas, and guns so he decided to make a console that would be rad and allow people to ride skateboards, fight ninjas, and shoot guns, sometimes all at the same time. He called it the Xbox 360 because the x makes it sound like the nineties and the three sixty reminds him of skateboarding which he still thinks is awesome. Finally there was Big Brother Bear. Now Big Brother Bear had been very successful with his last console selling more than both Baby Bear and Middle Brother Bear combined. So he takes a long sit and thinks and thinks and finally decides to make a console even better than either Baby Bear’s or Middle Brother Bear’s by making it more than just a console, but part of an entertainment system.

So all three brothers go down to the market and to Big Brother Bear’s total surprise everyone starts buying the shit out of the other systems. “Why? Why is this happening?” Asks Big Brother Bear as he bites down on the gun. “How could I possibly mess this up so bad? I had the PS II library, the tech, the blue ray player…How could this happen.” At this point a crow lands on Big Brother Bear’s shoulder and asks: “Did you make any games?” That’s when Big Brother Bear pulls the trigger.

Now, before anyone starts sending me nasty e-mails about how this analogy is all wrong, how Microsoft should be Baby Bear because they were the last into the market, or how Nintendo should be Big Brother Bear because Nintendo’s been making money off racism since the Reagan administration, that’s not the point of the analogy. The point of the analogy is to characterize which niche of the market each company wanted to exploit and what they did to get there. Nintendo as a baby since they wanted to market a feel good family system of cotton candy and fluff, Microsoft as a teen since they wanted to grab that xtreme sports frat boy crowd, and Sony is the older brother since they wanted the uh…people who like to play games on their blue ray player crowd. Which brings me to my first point, that Sony didn’t know who they wanted to buy their goddamn system.

The thing about cramming so much awesome tech into a box is that eventually it gets expensive. Maybe if they paid their workers less they could have made it cheaper but that wasn’t really what they were going for. They wanted to be the Cadillac in a market of Camrys and unfortunately they suffered for it because they weren’t selling a luxury product! Consoles are an entertainment good and as such they are only as good as the entertainment they provide. No one cares how cool a movie theater is if it only shows one movie. Ask any indie movie theater owner and they can tell you that even though they sell beer and Dutch chocolate it’s really hard to make a profit when you only show the same subtitled French movie and everyone wants to see “Big Space Man Kills Aliens Part 4.” And that’s really what gamers want, some form of “Big Space Man Kills Aliens Part 4” and Sony was only more than willing to oblige they just couldn’t get it shoved out the door. Meanwhile Microsoft is having their big space man killing legions of aliens and Nintendo has taken their myriad of racist characters and having them doing things in space, all to the joyful giggles of gamers.

Now I know that I’m supposed to be defending the system I’m just acknowledging its flaws. A high price tag and a limited library of games will always hinder the PS III but there have been some recent developments that make it an outstanding system. First, and I know that I’m going to get in trouble for saying this: The Console War is Over! Or at least the mad rush. The “Who’s Beating Whom” phase is over. We are now in the console marathon where a system must be judged by its overall library rather than its launch titles. Recently we’ve entered the phase in a console’s life where we’re tired of seeing what sort of gimmicky games or sequels are coming out and really start wanting the big ticket innovative games. Now this is also where I’m going to get in trouble, because the word innovative in most cases lacks definition. The Wii has always gotten the praise of being the innovative system but after a short spell of wiggling, gyrating, and twirling, the Wii-mote seems to have forgotten what the hell it was supposed to be doing. We got it, you have a motion tracking system. I can wiggle this thing and enemies will die. Super fun. The promise of a true motion capture system that can make you into a swordsman was long ago lost and the whole system is little more than button mashing. Once more everyone is going to say “But the Wii-mote is a sensitive system, you’re not using it right.” Really? Then tell me what game there is that I can’t be just as good at by wiggling the goddamn Wii-mote faster than the other guy. WarioWare does not count.

Ok. So with that said, I should probably explain what I want in a game: I have always looked for good storytelling, impressive locations, and a move to promote the idea that games can be art. And if you ask if better graphics make a better system, ask anyone who played The Force Unleashed on the Wii, then ask someone who played it on the PS III or Xbox 360. Graphics create ambiance, mood, and an immersive environment which sucks you in and makes you feel like you’re about to get your intestines ripped out by a rampaging hunter. “Oh but it’s not about that it’s about game play!” Wrong again. Ask anyone who played Half life 2 if they didn’t think that game had great game play. Ask anyone who played Gears of War 2 if that game didn’t have great game play. Ask people who played Little Big Planet, or Assasin’s Creed, or Bioshock, or Resistance, or Fallout 3, or Portal. Christ the list goes on and on and on. All of those are remarkable games and I never had to wave my controller around like an idiot to experience any innovation.

So now we get to my final point. Big Brother Bear did do something right and that was looking ahead. Blue rays are finally making a big splash on the market and if you’ve never watched a blue-ray treat yourself sometime because it really is a remarkable experience. Also the power of the PS III is definitely noticeably higher than the Xbox 360 and what you may have noticed about some of the above titles is that they are joint releases. Unfortunately, some of the games that I most enjoy are on the Xbox 360, and because of that it will always have a hold on my heart (deep down I want to be a rad skateboarder from the nineties). But when given the option of picking up a game on the Xbox or PS III, I’m always going to pick the PS III because it’s just that much more powerful. Plus with my HDMI cable hooked up to my blue ray player I don’t have to switch it back and forth to make my games rock. So that’s the thing. The power of the PS III makes it the Cadillac in the land of Camrys. But you know what? I’ve always wanted to drive a Cadillac.